mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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