He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
