Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
