she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
