just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize