Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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