Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
