i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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