consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
