NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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