I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
