the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
