A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
