things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
