It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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