I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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