guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
zippers are such a cool invention
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
