I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All the doctor said was why
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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