I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
