i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
