just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
