Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
