Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
