I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
