i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
