You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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