letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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