oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
