and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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