Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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