It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
