The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Semen is not good for contacts.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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