you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
