You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
