This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
