Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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