Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
