The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
