Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
