Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
