I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
