Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just invented taco cereal.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
