I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
