I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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