All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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