dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
