He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We were destined to go to rehab together
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
