whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
