i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
