I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
