We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
