Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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