Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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