i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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