you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
