who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
